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Don’t Spoil a Good Doctrine by Strict Adherence to the Facts – Part 3

Even More Doctrinal Romping

When my father started studying with Jehovah’s Witnesses my brother and I were 10 and 12 respectively.  At first, the entire family assembled in the living room while Chuck, the man who studied with us, attempted to conduct the study.  Dad loved the sound of his own voice and more or less took over the proceedings so that the study, which should have lasted an hour, would go on for 3 hours, during which time we kids would nod off.  After a few such sessions Dad told us we could watch TV in a distant room and then turn in at our usual time instead of sitting in on the study.

Surprisingly, Dad eventually talked himself out, and he and Mom made actual progress on the study.  At that point Dad decided to include the kids in the study.  That first night we sat around the dining room table while Chuck brought my brother and me up to date.  We covered every doctrine in a single session.  The effect of it blew my hair back.  I wasn’t some ignorant little kid.  I actually believed some of the stuff we had learned in Methodist Sunday school – not that I could explain any of it.

Chuck read scriptures and presented arguments that blasted holes in everything I believed.  By the end of the evening I was left standing dazed amidst the rubble of my religious upbringing wondering how I’d got to Oz.

After that night, Chuck started bringing along his 14-year-old stepson, Mark, to conduct a separate study with little brother and me.  Mark could put all of his enthusiasm for the Bible into the tip of his pinky finger and still have room for a standing rib roast.  He’d go over a couple of paragraphs in the book we were studying and then adjourn to the front yard where we’d just hang out until the adults were finished.   After a few weeks of that, Mark stayed home and Dad took over the Bible study with us.

But, I digress.


Bad news, folks.  According to Jehovah’s Witnesses you do not have an immortal soul. The doctrine is based on the Greek and Hebrew words that are translated “spirit” and “soul.”   Jehovah’s Witnesses believe that the soul is the person themselves.  Your physical body is a soul.  You don’t have a soul, you are one.  In this sense, every creature on earth is a soul.  Your dog is a soul, that spider just landing on your shoulder is a soul.  (Did you look?)  When you die, your soul dies too.  Kaput.  You’re gone.

The spirit is the life force that animates the body, as in “the breath of life.”  It has no special qualities and does not exist apart from the body.  (Based on that I can’t even begin to explain what “spirit fingers” are.)  When the body dies, the spirit is gone.  So, JWs don’t believe in any paranormal stuff, right?  Well, we covered the demons a few weeks ago.  They sure do believe in it, but they blame it on the demons, not dead humans.  Now, the Bible does say that when a person dies his spirit returns to God.  JWs interpret this to mean that the person’s hopes for future life return to God, meaning that He can decide to resurrect you after Armageddon or not.  This understanding seems forced.

Now, they do refer to angels, demons, and God as “spirit creatures,” which makes this whole doctrine a bit confusing.  They use the same word to refer to an impersonal, unintelligent life force as well as an intelligent being with personality.  Eh?

I always thought these teachings were, first of all, a huge bummer, and secondly, contrary to my instincts.  To me, the human spirit is so dynamic and creative the idea that it could fizzle away like a drop of water in a hot frying pan seems ludicrous.  What a waste!  Of course, I kept those thoughts to myself or I would have been unceremoniously drop-kicked out the door.


The Bible

Jehovah’s Witnesses believe the Bible is God’s Word.   It is their ultimate authority.

Even though the Bible was written by men, JWs believe that these writers were inspired by God.   For example, Moses wrote the first five books of the Bible which describe events that happened thousands of years before Moses was born.  A logical explanation for this record is that Moses was writing from oral tradition passed on from generation to generation.   JWs believe that Moses wrote as God placed the information into his brain, “as he was borne along by holy spirit.”

Same thing with the writers of the gospels.  These books were written sometimes decades after Jesus’ death, but they are accurate (to the JW mind) because God transmitted the detailed information to the writers’ minds.

Despite a great deal of evidence to the contrary, they say that the Bible does not contradict itself, and this “fact” reassures them that it is indeed God’s word.

Because of this steadfast belief, they are supremely confident that the Bible is a book they can rely upon without question.  Every word of it is from God.  How do they know?  The Bible itself tells them so.  At 2 Timothy 3:16, 17 it says, “All scripture is inspired of God and beneficial for teaching, for reproving, for setting things straight, for disciplining in righteousness that the man of God may be fully competent, completely equipped for every good work.”  So there you have it – the ultimate self-help book.

Alarmingly, if you actually read this self-help book, this guide to living, there’s some whacked-out stuff in there.  There’s a whole book, written by the Donald Trump of the ancient world, Solomon, that’s about sexual attraction.  However, to the JW mind it’s a lovely analogy for the relationship between Christ and the anointed.  All I can say is, YUCK.  Here’s a sample.  Decide for yourself.

“Look! You are beautiful, O girl companion of mine.  Your eyes are those of doves behind your veil.  Your hair is like a drove of goats that have hopped down from the mountainous region of Gilead.  Your teeth (this guy is nothing if not exhaustive in his praise of her physical features, so let’s skip a bit)…Your two breasts are like two young ones, the twins of a female gazelle that are feeding among the lilies.”  A little farther on he says, “With comb honey your lips keep dripping…”  This guy is dead gone on this girl.  “A garden barred is my sister, my bride, a garden barred in, a spring sealed up…”  Then she responds, “Let my dear one come into his garden and eat its choicest fruits.”  We all know what that means.

The very first part of the Bible is full of stories of bloody conquest, genocide, and a God who can only be described as petulant and vindictive, striking down people left and right for the slightest offense.

Later in the Old Testament you will find a large book of poetry followed by a couple of books of proverbs and wise sayings, which are very good.  Then comes a long slog through some dense prophecy and denunciation against Jerusalem for disappointing its God so grievously.  JWs have a field day in this section, picking and choosing verses to support their story of a future paradise earth.

Things lighten up in the New Testament which is a series of 4 accounts of Jesus’ life, then a book that follows up what his 12 apostles did after he died.  Then you get a long series of letters from various prominent men to various congregations in Asia Minor.  This all builds up to the final book, Revelation (notice – no “s” at the end) which reads a lot like John, who wrote it, got into a bad batch of ‘shrooms.

In any case, I’ve read the Bible through, lid to lid, at least 9 times, believing the entire time that it was the word of God.  Not so much anymore.  It’s definitely a good piece of literature, but holy cow, I wouldn’t want to do what JWs have done – base my entire life on this one book which was largely written by people whose diet included a disturbing percentage of goat meat and didn’t even have indoor plumbing .


Happy Thanksgiving!


Next week:  Jesus Christ!


4 responses »

  1. Happy Thanksgiving!

    Jehovah’s Witnesses are an intolerant rigid fundamentalist sect.

    Jehovah’s Witnesses proselytizing is a scam.
    Advocacy for “God’s Kingdom” sounds nice and noble.
    Jehovah’s Witnesses “God’s Kingdom” is that Jesus had his second coming already ‘invisibly’ in the year 1914 and then Jesus waited 3 1/2 years to appoint them the Watchtower society rulers of his earthly “God’s kingdom” in 1918.
    This is their hard history and they cannot change it anymore than the Mormons can change Joseph Smith golden plates Jesus came to America for them.
    That is just the tip of the iceberg of their unique JW man-made dogmas.

    *Tell the truth don’t be afraid*-Danny Haszard FMI dannyhaszard(dot)com (cool stuff on JW)

  2. wow. I am not a Bible student, and whatever I’ve read was from the Gospels , which are used in the roman-catholic mass. I know there’s some whacked out stuff in there. Where is that quote from? (definitely not something they’d have us read in catholic school….)

  3. It’s from Song of Solomon (Canticles)

  4. God i remember the JW’s answer to everything seemed to be “look it up in the Bible” .Every time i asked a qestion about the religion they would show me some damn scripture that left me more confused than ever.This is a book written by man and if man is anything he’s fallible.I was sent to a brothers house to study for weeks at one point because my Mum felt that i was becoming too rebellious(i was only 11) and i asked the question of this guy that went something like”there are so many different religions out there,all of which think they are the right one so how do we know that JW is the right way to go”???Seems a simple enough question right??The guy spent 3 hours describing how SANTA is an anagram for SATAN.They are nothing if not experts in finding ways of not answering a straight question with a straight answer.I know i keep saying it but i truly appreciate this blog.I don’t always get a chance to read it on a tuesday but i make damn sure i get to read it the first chance i get.Its source a great comfort to me.One of the highlights of my week:))


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