Jesus Christ! Part 3

To Jehovah’s Witnesses Jesus Christ was a perfect human being, God’s son.  He never sinned, was never sick, never made mistakes, and he possessed a bottomless well of patience.  Well, he was patient with his disciples and most other humans.  But not with the Jewish religious leaders.  He used fightin’ words quite frequently within their hearing.  For example, he would address them directly and call them names such as “offspring of vipers,” “whitewashed graves,” and “hypocrites” in the presence of the common people from whom the scribes and Pharisees expected reverence.

Of course, the scribes and Pharisees didn’t take this lying down.  They followed him around and argued with him, trying to trip him up in his words.  You can be sure they stayed up late at night, literally burning the midnight oil, thinking up questions with which to trap him.  He saw through the whole thing and turned the tables on them time and again.

One time they caught Jesus healing someone on the Sabbath.  They gleefully pointed out the obvious violation of Sabbath law.  Jesus was doing work!  Oh, goody, goody, goody!  We’ve got him now, boys!  Back in the day (the ancient day), working on the Sabbath was grounds for a good, old-fashioned stoning.  Bring the whole family!  Of course, with the Romans occupying Judea, they couldn’t exactly drag the man off to a gravel pit and have at him, but a sin like this could permanently tarnish Jesus’ reputation as a man of God.

Unfazed, Jesus refuted their claim by pointing out that if one of them discovered their sheep at the bottom of a well on the Sabbath, they’d bloody well make sure to get it out, regardless of the day.  So what was wrong with Jesus freeing a person from captivity to illness on the Sabbath?  They couldn’t argue with that.  Curses! Foiled again!

Clearly, Jesus’ fame and acclaim were growing with every passing day, and the religious leaders were taking a huge hit in the credibility department.  They could see that their position in the community as the ultimate Jewish-law authorities was threatened.

They’d have to figure out a way to get the Romans to do the deed for them.  Treason!  The perfect capital crime.  All they needed now were a few ne’er-do-wells to accuse Jesus of trying to overturn the Roman government, and they’d be rid of this pesky holy man before you could say “Judas Iscariot.”

While the scribes and Pharisees were busy rounding up a rabble, Jesus didn’t go into hiding.  He staged a triumphal entry into Jerusalem, home of his bitterest enemies, where he entered riding a young donkey.  The people treat him as a conquering king, cheering and covering the rough pavement with palm branches and coats.

Then he did a little last-minute house cleaning at the temple, throwing out the money changers and other vendors (who were little more than rip-off artists).  This could not have improved his popularity with the religious leaders.

In any case, they managed (through a complicated process) to trump up the charge that Jesus was styling himself “King of the Jews.”  That got the Romans’ attention, although the Governor of Judea, Pontius Pilate, didn’t think he’d done anything deserving of death and literally washed his hands of the matter.  All the same, he asks the Jews if he should release Jesus.  The rabble screams for Jesus’ blood, and Pilate orders him to be crucified.

As I’ve mentioned before, in their bible, Jehovah’s Witnesses substitute the word “impale” for “crucify,” and insist that Jesus was tortured by being nailed to a stake.

Jesus is led away and made to carry his stake to a hill outside of Jerusalem where he is nailed to it, hands and feet, and cruelly tortured to death.  It’s not a pretty story.

On the third day following his death, two of his female disciples approach his tomb and find the door (which is a large, heavy slab of stone) has been rolled aside and the tomb is empty.  Jesus has been resurrected!  Once the resurrected Jesus meets back up with his disciples (in an actual human body, mind you), who have gone into hiding, he spends 40 days with them and then ascends into heaven.

What has he been up to since then?

Not a whole lot until the early 20^th century, according to JWs.  That’s when he was installed as King of God’s heavenly kingdom, cast Satan and his demons out of heaven, and found Jehovah’s Witnesses busily doing the preaching work that he commanded them to do.

And thus began the “time of the end.”  In the future, Jesus will act as God’s instrument in executing judgment on this wicked system of things, ultimately destroying it along with anyone who isn’t a JW (Armageddon).  After that, he will rule in heaven for 1000 years while the earth is restored to a paradise, all the dead are resurrected (except for the losers who died when he destroyed the wicked), and mankind is restored to human perfection.  Then he’ll hand the kingdom back over to his father.

Every time I write that whole story about Armageddon and the “new system,” it seems more and more fantastical.  Gosh, how did I ever believe this stuff?

Since I’ve left JWs and their teachings, I’ve been in a quandary about what to think of the whole story of Jesus, from virgin birth to resurrection.  So many other religions include a similar story attributed to some important figure in their theology, and most of those predate the account in the Bible.  It was difficult for me to think that the whole story was just made up, but what do most Christians think about the stories of Buddha, Krishna, or Horus?  It’s all pretty much the same to me at this point in time.

But, the Jesus character comes with a couple of very fun holidays, so I’ll just play along and enjoy the eggnog.

Jesus Christ! – Part 2

Jesus was well-known as a miracle worker.  He restored sight to the blind, healed leprosy, cast out demons, and raised the dead.  He even healed a young girl from a distance.  And she wasn’t a Jew.  Her father was a Roman army officer who was known as a kindly man.

Interestingly, most of Jesus’ miracles were acts of mercy that helped the person(s) involved to lead a productive life.  He wasn’t a showman, so we don’t read about flashy displays of magic.  No, he was focused on charity.  As mentioned last week, Jesus also had a money box containing funds to assist the poor.

Another way he helped was by teaching people about God and His kingdom.  The Jewish religious leaders of the time were focused on obeying the letter of the law rather than the spirit of the law.  Jesus taught that God was far more interested in the mercy in people’s hearts than in ostentatious exhibitions of piety.  Needless to say, the religious leaders did not approve of his message.

Because they claim to be the only true followers of Jesus Christ, you would think that Jehovah’s Witnesses would be well known for their charitable works as well as for teaching people about God.  You would be wrong.  In fact, Jehovah’s Witnesses are actively discouraged from participating in charities or volunteer work in the community.  They are told that their preaching work is the best possible way to assist their fellow man.

I found this de facto ban on acts of mercy to be excruciatingly frustrating while I was a JW, and I’m sure many current JWs feel the same way.  If a natural disaster struck we were told to donate to the Worldwide Work (the Watchtower Society) and that funds would be channeled to assist our brothers and sisters in the affected area.  Months later, an article in one of the magazines would describe how an organized team of JWs had swept into a ruined neighborhood and worked tirelessly to repair the homes of local JWs, along with a token non-JW widow or single mother.  Photos would show a group of men hammering away on a roof.  There might even be a quote from a local newspaper about how quickly the JWs got there and how nice they were.  We could all feel proud of the JW contribution to the cleanup.

Meanwhile, back at home, a call would go out to donate school supplies or coats for local children, but we could not participate.  Instead, we could knock on more doors and tell our neighbors that they could have a gloriously happy future if they left their church which provided practical help to the community and joined JWs.

Jesus’ ministry lasted only 3 years, but it got him into some serious hot water with the religious leaders, and eventually they just wanted him dead.  More on that subject next week.

Jesus Christ!

Jehovah’s Witnesses are the only true Christians on earth today.  That’s what they’ll tell you.  They are the only ones practicing the Christianity that Jesus taught his followers, the only true followers of Christ.

Well, sort of.

Who is Jesus as interpreted by JWs?

As I’ve mentioned before, in his pre-human existence Jesus was known as Michael the Archangel.  He was the very first creation of God.  Then God brought Michael into the family business and allowed him to create the heavens and the earth (although God takes credit for it while He was sitting back in his celestial easy chair, probably chugging some celestial beer) and everything on the earth.  Oh, and the other angels. That’s quite a load of responsibility.  Clearly, Michael was not just a product of nepotism; he had mad skills (although one might look askance at such creations as the platypus and the mosquito).

After that, Michael was given the assignment to more or less oversee the earth and mankind.  Since humans are such lowly creatures, God Himself could not communicate with them directly, so all of his chats with Adam and Eve, Noah, Moses, and so on, were actually carried out by Michael.  He materialized a few times for a more hands-on approach, guarding the way to the Garden of Eden after Adam and Eve were evicted, competing in an ancient cage match with Jacob, and providing the fire on the burning bush, to name a few.  Kind of fun stuff.

But God had a larger role in mind for Michael, as I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, and when it was time for the Messiah to appear he transferred the life force of Michael into Mary’s womb, and 9 months later, at the most inconvenient time and place imaginable, she gave birth to a baby and called him “Jesus.”

Jesus grew up as a perfect human child who had brothers and sisters and was bookish (or scrollish, I guess), probably insufferably so, if the anecdotal evidence is accurate.

According to the Bible, when he was 12 his whole extended family went to Jerusalem for a festival, the ancient equivalent of a family vacation at Disney, but without the fun stuff to do.  When it was time to go home his family suffered a “Home Alone” type of incident at the end of their first day of travel.  He was nowhere to be found.  Everyone had assumed he was with Uncle John or Aunt Deborah or someone else and hadn’t worried.  Well, the donkeys were turned around, and there was a mad dash back to Jerusalem.  Three days later – yes, I said three – they found the little egghead at the temple hanging out in the rabbis’ lounge.

His parents were totally freaking out, like any parent would in such a circumstance, but they resisted the urge to smack him upside the head.  Instead, they told him they were in mental distress looking for him.  Now, here’s the kicker:  He says, “Why did you have to go looking for me?  Did you not know that I must be in the house of my father?”  I don’t know about your parents, but to my parents that unapologetic quip would have qualified as “sass,” and I would have had a hand imprint on my cheek.  The Bible only says that his parents didn’t quite understand what he meant by his remark, so I guess he slipped that one by them.

We don’t see Jesus again until he is an adult, working as a carpenter.  He gets the urge to get baptized, so he visits his cousin, John the Baptist (who, coincidentally enough, shares a middle name with Winnie the Pooh and Jabba the Hut) gets dunked, and then sees the heavens opened to him and the holy spirit descending.  God’s voice is heard declaring, “This is my son, the beloved, and I approve this message.”  Actually he said he approved of Jesus himself.

Then Jesus goes on a sort of walkabout in the Judean desert to fast while the Devil tempts him 3 times to misuse his power.  Doesn’t seem like a truly effective test.  I mean, if the Devil wanted to tempt me it would be with cheeseburgers, chocolate, and expensive perfume, but that’s neither here nor there.

After the walkabout he commences his ministry.  In doing so he covered a lot of territory, living on handouts and the kindness of strangers.  Of course, he came with an entourage to rival anything Mariah Carey could muster, consisting of 12 disciples as well as some hangers-on and women who ministered to the group as a whole.  Imagine if this crowd came trouping into your quiet little village, and then plunked down in the town square (which is how you got a room in those days, Motel 6 having not been invented yet) waiting for someone to offer hospitality.  Meanwhile, Jesus’ fame having preceded him, everyone drops what they’re doing and runs to the town square, dragging their ailing relatives with them.  Jesus heals everyone, and then gives a moving speech.  People would fall over themselves offering food, accommodations, supplies, and whatnot.

In fact, there are a number of accounts in the gospels where Jesus is eating with wealthy people at a banquet.  He was the “It Guy” in Palestine in those days, and everyone wanted to be seen with him, so he got lots of invites from wealthy people to feast at their house so as to impress their friends.  There are several accounts of influential men inviting Jesus and his disciples to dine with them, along with accounts that suggest that Jesus’ conduct at these lavish affairs surprised his hosts.

For example, one time a prostitute came in, threw herself at Jesus’ feet, and washed his feet with her tears, drying them with her hair, to the tut-tutting of those assembled.  Then she did something truly outrageous.  She cracked open an alabaster case containing a very expensive perfumed emollient and rubbed it on his feet.  Now we venture beyond tut-tut and into expostulation territory.

“Why, this is expensive stuff!  It could have been sold and the proceeds donated to the poor!” said one of the disciples (spoiler: Judas, the one who would betray him) indignantly.  What he meant was, “Hey! The proceeds from the sale of that expensive stuff could have been donated and I could have stolen it!”  News flash:  Judas was a bad guy from the start, which raises the question of why the prescient Jesus didn’t treat him to the kind of private fire-and-brimstone shower his Daddy was famous for.

 

When we pick up again next week, Jesus is turning water into wine and feeding multitudes with the scraps from someone’s picnic basket.